checking in with instagram

Hey! When I'm not busy having a staring contest with my computer or sleeping, I take pictures of my occasional ventures into the world. Will there be dogs? Yes. Otherwise, it's anyone's guess. Curious? Follow me on Instagram.

charles

Here's a middle finger scenario.

I struggle to convey loss and hurt and in turn inadvertently make it about myself. Are there instructions for this? It sucks -- the world has one less awesome person. It needs to be known. You need to be told what you are maybe not aware of. Grief greets me at death and this is what comes next.

To say I feel lucky is a bit misleading. To use the word glad in any sense makes me seem insensitive. I am not happy. I am sad. A chunk of my childhood now feels dipped in bronze for posterity. The trajectory of a grown-up friendship has been dashed. Beyond me and my self-centeredness, someone that lived is gone.

But the suffering is over and this is where I find relief. I did get to share experiences that are mine and only mine, and for that I am grateful -- almost possessive. And I got to spend time in his hideaway, where photos and art and lush greenery and music lived. They blanketed me with revelations and insight. Imagining his full life comforted me, as did briefly being a part of it in that way.

I am the baby that sometimes put herself on an island. I can and do get lost in wishes and regret, but have to circle back to what experiences I did accrue.  I can only imagine how hard this must be for the rest of my family and his closest friends. I find solace and joy in their stories and hope those memories uplift them more than they cause pain.

Love you Charles. To echo your parting words to me, I WILL see you again. And you'll tell me a story matched with a sneer. And we'll laugh.

return to the old country

On Christmas I traveled back up to Northern West Texas, aka Odessa. This town continues to have a hold over me. With every visit I'm in awe and bewilderment of this place time seems to have forgotten . I wish I had a solid week to really dig around and take photos, but alas I have to take what I can get. This last trip amounted to only about 24 hours, with about 2 hours devoted to driving around getting lost (again). 

There's a few more photos after the jump. You can see even more here. 

neighbormobile

I couldn't resist taking a photo of this van. Seemed like it would be right at home with the Neighbormobiles.

more vegas

When in Vegas I took along my trusty Fuji Instamatic. It's too bad these aren't scratch and sniff... there were some interesting pockets of odor that I can only compare to a special port-a-potty kind of smell. Good stuff.

One of the best parts of our visit was watching a man named Big Elvis perform. I think he may have a few hundred pounds on the real Elvis, even at his heaviest. His singing was pretty on par though. I also participated in a dancing "contest". I blame the beer special. But hey, I got a signed certificate and everything. Woo hoo.  The shame and embarrassment was worth it.

More photos after the jump...

dreaming of pictures

Last night I had the most vivid and amazing dreams about taking photos. They were portraits, sharp, saturated, and a little haunting. But I remember feeling electric, excited, and happy about the new pictures... like I had regained a sense of accomplishment I hadn't know in ages. Then I woke up. On the one hand I felt invigorated, reminded that there will always be more projects, more opportunities if my mind has the power to take me there, and hopefully a chance to do/be better. But I was also really bummed out and let down, like I had tried to catch smoke with my bare hands and everything drifted off into nothingness.

A few days ago I brought in my other 35mm camera (the one that wasn't stolen) to get cleaned. I'm hoping it will be in decent working order and I can start clicking away. I have other cameras but find myself lacking the love or confidence to be very happy with their performance or what is produced. I know they are only the tool and probably not entirely to blame, but enjoying what you are using counts for a lot I think. We will see.

texas billboard

Who needs a fancy big and tall sign when you have your choice of telephone poles, a couple of pieces of wood, and the ability to write and/or a can of paint. Now I know to be on the lookout for Jesus somewhere around Highway 183.

zoe 2010

Over the weekend I took photos of my favorite 5 year old, Zoe. We did the same thing last year and I was reminded of how challenging it can be to take pictures of kids (kudos once again to anyone that does this for a living). Keeping pace aside, I had nothing but fun and am seriously considering going on more play dates. Some other things I realized:

1) I can not climb like I used to

2) Fairy clothes can be made out of ANYTHING

3) Children have their own clock

4) My hair is inferior

5) Christmas song mash-ups are the best

lazy sunday

This would be the proper way to spend my Sunday... vegging out on the couch with a pooch keeping me company. Ah, but I work. Hope everyone else is spending time with their favorite person and/or pet, doing nothing, enjoying the luxuries of a lazy Sunday. Have a good nap for me.

i love new york

A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend (thank you for the ticket!!), some friends and I traveled to New York. This was my first time to go, but it's somewhere I have wanted to go since I can remember. It is one of those places that simultaneously feels familiar and mythical, largely due to my (over)exposure to film and television. In fact I found myself (and I'm probably not alone in this), creating a visual overlay in my mind of many sites, syncing them up to memorable celluloid moments. From Sesame Street, to The Cosby Show, to Breakfast at Tiffany's, to Tootsie, to The Warriors, to 30 Rock, to Taxi Driver, and almost any Woody Allen film... the list goes on forever.

I wasn't so busy in my alternate reality to miss New York for what it really is (as much as you can in a few days), and was able to create unique experiences free of pop culture's shadow. We managed to hit many of the tourist attractions (like Time Square, Ground Zero, The Chelsea Hotel), and I literally got goosebumps when crossing the Brooklyn Bridge, but we also went to some more low key places which truly made the trip memorable. Beer Table (the good stuff), Rosemary's Greenpoint Tavern (32oz $4 beer, what a gross bargain), Union Hall (indoor bocce ball and my friends performing in their band downstairs) and Saraghina (mmm, squash gnocchi) were highlights in the entertainment department. We also stayed in an apartment which made us (almost) feel like natives. I couldn't have wished for a better bunch to have been with and I can't wait to go back.

I wish I had taken a few more photos but it's hard to focus when your mouth is hanging wide open in awe. You can see them all here.

I particularly like this one...



All you New York experts and locals, anywhere I should visit when I go back?

in memoriam

I'm taking a quick break from moving/working to say goodbye (dramatically) to my favorite little camera. My AE-1 is now in the clutches of some dumb ole thief that probably won't have a whole lot of luck selling the ratty old thing. It took good pictures but I doubt in the age of snazzy digital cameras it will be too enticing to anyone else. This is the last developed image I took (there was an unfinished roll in it... grrrr). Thanks for the memories buddy.

now here is a pet friend

Last night I took some photos for my friend's super secret new collaborative music project. This is Beatrice, the studio's mascot... or I have proclaimed her as that if she doesn't already hold that title. Don't let this cute face fool you; she's fierce, in a completely adorable way... no-one ever tore my arm apart so sweetly.

Can't wait by the way to share the photos and details of the project. You're in for some outstanding music.

more san fran

It seems like forever ago, however here are a few more photos from my San Francisco trip, pretending it was just yesterday. On this holiday I'm wishing I was there and not serving pizza. Ah, at least I have the memories to provide serenity when I find myself overwhelmed by pepperoni.







If want to see any larger you can check out my Flickr set.

seal rocks

So I'm not going to give you a play by play of everything that my boyfriend and I saw/did while on our trip, but I am going to share a few photos here and there.

Heading into it we intended to be as thrifty as possible and I think we were fairly successful in that. It's always helpful when you are somewhere with a lot of scenery to feast your eyes upon, and when you decide that walking will be your main mode of transportation that also takes some heat off the pocket book. I am surprised that for every penny saved we did not some gain muscle mass in our legs. Damn, walking in San Francisco is not always an easy task. How does everybody do it... or do they?

One day we walked across Golden Gate park, determined to make it to the ocean. Calling our surroundings gorgeous really doesn't do it justice. There is a lush cleanness on the West Coast that you just don't find in Texas. Walking on soft ground as a canopy of towering trees look down upon you is also just as rare. Needless to say I was feeling a bit like a fish out of water... or a Southerner out of a dried up creek bed.

ANYWAY, we made it to the beach and hung out around a place called the Cliff House and Seal Rocks. The former is what is photographed above. No seals, lots of bird poop. There were also the remnants of an old bath house and a tunnel/cave that overlooked the ocean. As much as I like ruins I would have liked to see it in its heyday too.



All in all a great way to spend part of a day. And also apparently a great way to get completely sunburned. Some delicious BBQ sweet potato fries and a cold glass of Porter helped ease the pain.

[ image via The Hive ]

If you want to see my photo bigger go here.

i'm back!

Flying can sometimes be nerve wracking however I have to say that I never tire of the view. This was taken in route to San Francisco; my knowledge of what is below stops there. It's probably pretty standard fare... "hey a photo out the window", but I can't help but be in awe of how foreign and mysterious land looks from miles up.

If you want to see it larger click here.

neighbormobiles

Yes, so once again it's been awhile. First was my birthday, then other birthdays, then working, and sleeping, and being generally lazy. And now I have been slowly working on updating and redoing some things on my website. I still have a lot to work on and when you don't know what you're doing these things take time. I have however decided to share a couple of little updates so that no-one thinks I gone and completely abandoned this blog.

This photo series is called Neighbormobiles. I do a lot of driving back and forth between my house and my boyfriend's. In that trip I pass many a car. These are a few of them captured with my Instax camera. And that's all there really is to it.



I felt a little like a private investigator or a total creep but I guess that's the price you pay when you're stealing a car's soul.


This car was my favorite but you can see them all here. And if you happen to jump around the parts of the site that are working and you have any feedback (good or bad) please don't hesitate to pass it along to me.

lazy sunday

I'm so tired I could use three beds. Take a load off and reward yourself with an extra nap today.

more photos from last weekend

new in the shop!

An 8"x12" print of my Get Up photo is now available in the shop. $25 and its all yours.

the heart of texas

This is a photo from my weekend trip to Ivie Reservoir. Had to make a pit stop in the heart of Texas, Brady. Got my Dairy Queen fix and had an all-round great time.

To see this photo larger go here.